Is nain

today is monday.
I am busy.
It is good that I am busy.
So that women out there will
not eyeballing me..

Now they have to wait for
my appearance..Serve them
right..

p.s terdengar iklan i-rakyat
dari bank rakyat..why so cliche..
2u la..man pls la..takde idea ker..
buat la rakyatkayaraya..baru la
takde nampak tiru..ok tak?

True story essay

Hello guys..gua nak tinggalkan
korang dgn satu story..this is kind of
true story.. please read if you have time..
if you want to skim this wonderful story.
just forget bout it..you gonna miss the
message.."


Essay topic- my girl friends...

since i was a child i have a crush on this girl name suzzy
.she has long curly hair white face(this is not racist)
pretty teeth and cute little smile...


so one day i sat beside her in a party..u know what happened
...i cry cause she is so cute that night...
i bite my hand cause my brain being so
late transferring data to ask her dancing...
man what a waste...Fuad who is the famous person in my
kindergarten started his move by asking suzzy
on a tap dance...

what a rude attitude cause suzzy just undergo
knee operation...suzzy cry and ran quickly
...i chase suzzy with worried face
to show i worried bout her...
i mean she ran with wheel chair...

pity suzzy, so i slow talk with her
and she start smiling and i knew that
it just a beginning...one day suzzy send
sms telling that our relationship was over...
she said that she hate me...
i knew her father type for her cause she
does'nt have any fingers..
i also knew that her father has
an affair with our teacher...damn..

then 15 years old i met with this girl..
really quiet in my class..she is shakila..
.always get a+ in every exam..
.i respect her cause ignore supian...
supian is only person who
can get a+ same like shakila...
supian think shakila like him,so one
day he plan to gave her a bouquet of
flowers to shakila...i knew supian only
want shakila's money...
because shakila is daughter of famous assassin.
.so supian gave me the flower in a
way so that i gave to shakila...

i take that flower and gave to
rahimah ram(pretty but only bath once a week..no racist)
...so rahimah ram see supian
and hold supian's hand and start smiling
and the smell can beat poisonous toilet
...supian was warded and once again i
got chace to tell shakila that i like her
cause supian coma for a month...
no luck for me shakila has to run away cause
her father was hunt by police of cuba...

what to do i was disappointed and started to
blame supian by framing him taking picture
of principle sleeping in assembly...
supian was send to henry gurney school...
pity him but he make my life empty without girl friend...

3 years later i was in college.
.there is one lecturer.
..like to ask me to answer her question..
.i don't want to make contact with her eye's
cause she is so pretty...
one day i received sms from her...


miss is said that she want to see me after class.
..so met her and she said she want to treat me
cause i got good marks for biomedical analysis..
.i said i left the paper blank but why i have
highest mark...she seem like hiding something and
started to smile like crazy joe.
..i freak out when she speak...she actually a guy.
..i wonder why she never spoke in class
...i mean she always use white board to write questions...
actually she transform to avoid paying tax...crazy people...

when i report that harassment to principal said
she is college's best lecturer so no
written report would be taken...
he even warning me to sell my kidney
if i make report to education minister...

20 years later i still have no girl friend...
not even one wanna couple with me...
i hate this situation...i was rich..2 car 3 bicycle
and 2 cat...but still lonely...so i join this club...
single and healthy club..there i met 4 girls
but found out only one that that has a curly hair and pretty eyes

my dream...oh yeah...i never feel this feeling
before but i think she is the one
..so i start date with her...one day
i wanted to marry her...she was looking away and
start crying...i was clueless...
i start treated to hurt myself by
eating raw egg..

slowly she said that she cannot
marry me cause i'm from uganry...
she is so racist...so i ask her id...
she is also ugaryian...i slap her face and she said sorry...


we didnt get married cause a day later she
was kidnap cause owe money with loan
shark to buy new horse to race


...so until 1678 i have no girl friend...at age 78 i was
admitted to hospital cause my tongue bitten
while eating chewing gum with my cats....
i know that i gonna die soon so i
tell this young nurse my stories..
.every day she came and listen to my stories...i
never knew she like me...

i started to knew she like my when
20 seconds before i close my eyes forever...
i think she just said that cause to make me die
in a smile...anyway this journal taken
from my pocket...1678 bundajers,uganlia
"

Skeptikal di dunia ostolian

I know..i know..
"ngape lu tak update wey..
gila u freak!!"

gua tadi sedang rilek2 dekat
dapor gua dikejut kan oleh
pengakuan sipolan bin sipolan..
"I only watch English movie,
I dont watch Malay movie"
kata beliau separa bangga
kepada Tommy the driking sifu..

ok2..gua admit..kadang2 gua nyampah
dgn cerita orang kita..tapi gua still
layan kebanyakkan cerita..even
crap..just for entertainment..
Contoh cerita Maut..gua siap
pegi wayang..last2..tak best..

ibarat gua pegi kfc, nak makan kfc,
tetiba ayam rasa cam ayam kedai mamak
gitu la ibaratnya..

mak gua layan cite melayu, asian movie..
arab, english..takde plak mak gua kata.
"mak tak suka cerita ... or ni.."
gua dgn mak gua start pkl 11 malam
ialah series mania, dari raja lawak
ke cerita pilipina terus ke cerita masak..
every day is mothers day..lol..gua tak sokong
langsung mothers day yang dicipta omputih..

anyway..tak baik la lu orang cakap cerita
Melayu tak best..gua cerita kesah benar
yang macam kayu pon gua layan..
cerita pocong, cerita saka..semua
nya part of gua punya life..

so gua move on..

then tommy cakap..let's watch movie..
gua ajak la sipolan bin sipolan..
tak nak plak..cerita omputih la
gua nak tengok ni..aik..cerita omputih
camne yang dia nak tgk?
alasan apa ntah gua x dengar..
camni la..dont get too sceptical la dgn
non-Malaysian..belasah je..

so kitaorang pon tgk 'Blood Diamond..
berbekalkan speaker maut Tommy..
kitaorang tengok babak tembak
menembak dgn fun skali kerana bnyi
yang rangup sekali..
tetiba sejam setengah pastu ada orang ketuk pintu..

cilanat..mesti orang komplen ni..
then JK bukak pintu...
gua suruh tommy pegi entertain orang tu..
pastu tommy ni explain,,its friday night
rupanya sampai ground floor dgn bunyi tu..
haha..

gua nak explain camni la..gua kalau orang
ajak movie gua layan la..dulu mmg gua
skeptical dgn budak vietnam ni..diorang
ajak main game pon gua tanak..
tapi atleast pg la jengok movie.

ok gua nak blah..bye

Ayam utk mu hari2 freak..sedap tak..nak gua masak lagi..nak la..awwww

wey..gua tired la..hari2
makan ayam..bai tolong gua bai..
hari2 ayammmmmmmm..

gua bukan benci ayam..tapi
kalau hari2 ciken wing
gua leh pengsan tau..

wa igt lagi mak gua cite..
ada sorang kawan dia ada anak..
anak dia rasanya obese, so anak
dia hari2 nk makan ayam..kalau
takde AYAM dia tanak makan..

mak aih..kalau gua jumpa budak tu
gua suruh dia duduk rumah ni..
ayam hari2...

gua pon dah nak dekat muak ni..
gua lupa beli ikan..ala kitaorang
tak beli ikan macam kat
pasar tu..mahal sangat..
kitaorang kreatif..makan
ikan sadin tin tu..masak
lauk..nice eh..

tapi since tak beli
ikan ni..gua rasa nak hentak
je meja makan..hari2 ayam
usus gua pon tak suke camni..

kitaorang mmg tak kungsi beli
sayor ye..sebab first2 gua tanya

"Sayor camne mat, nak beli ke?"gua ask.
"Sayor takut layu la freak"kata dia..

start dari haritu gua terus beli sayor sendiri..
tade banyak soal..then one day dia tanya gua..
lu nak kongsi bli sayor tak mat?
gua jawab beli sendri2..

letih nak accommodate orang nih..
--------------------------------------------

kelas bahasa mandarin..

hari ni seorang mamat turn up
in our class ..gua nampak
dia masa first week haritu..

dan bila dia masuk dalam kelas gua tu,
dia terpinga-pinga skit..pastu dia tanya
la..

"lu orang belajar dah banyak ker?"
pastu yang lawaknya
sorang mat badan besar ni cakap
"ooo banyak2"..then dia geleng2 kepala..
lol..


harini belajar cara nak jawab bila
orang tanya kerja apa..

and cara tulis pin-yin..frankly gua
tak kesah pasal tulisan ni..gua sebenarnya
nak fokus pada speaking..kalau
tulisan ni makan bertahun gua nak paham..

asal dapat sembang simple2 udah le kan..
owh, gua harap dapt sembang
dengan kawan bapak gua, mana tau
dia leh kasi gua ampow lebey..lol..

zai-jan everybadi..
wan-an..

Debate: Team America vs Underdog team

So today what a day man..
what a day...
I felt so freaking relieved man..
gua nak cite tapi biar la
ada flow kan..

tapi korang pls jangan skimming
penulisan SPM A1 gua ni..kalau
skimming bai, lu susah nak paham
manisnya ayat gua ni..

so today debate

between....


Opposition team

Team America- Star
(Team yang ada star2 dari israel..
muka diorang cam org israel..lol)

terdiri daripada
-Evan
-Ed (star)
- Edie anak pak mail(gua tak tau nama dia)(star gak)
-Eddah(perempuan..nama tak diketahui)

vs

Affirmative team

Team underdog
(Team gua)

terdiri daripada
Tian (pompuan)
Ben
Freak (pelajar harapan sekolah kebangsaan anak merdeka)

Berentap atas tajuk:
Has labour market reform has gone too far?

Aliran debate
1st affirmative (Tian)
1st opposition (Evan) -kena bidas Tian
2nd affirmative (Ben) - kena bidas Evan
2nd opposition (Eddah) - kena bidas Ben
3rd affirmative (Freak-gua la) -kena bidas Eddah
3rd opposition (Edie anak pak mail) - kena bidas freak
4th opposition (Ed) -suka ati lu la Ed..lu kan star..
so opposition team lebih sorang..
sila hapal(hafal) flow ni!

Lu orang nak tau, gua ialah final speaker utk
affirmative team (pihak yang setuju)

so gini cite nya..
---------------------------

so tutor gua, awal2 lagi cakap maximum 5 min!..
gua panik bai, sebab gua praktis 6 minit lebih gitu..
so gua pon buang la points yang tak guna..

so team gua start dulu..Tian start dulu..
kemudian Evan(pihak lawan bidas)..
Evan mintak duduk kat tutor, dia kata
dia nervous!! gua tak tipu Ben team mate gua
pon tangan menggeletar..siap ngaku dia
nervous..gua pon nervous gak..tapi rilek je..
awek kat sebelah..lol.

so sampai giliran Ben gua sebagai team
mate kena la tolong..takkan nak diam je,.
so kitaorang bincang cara nak bidas..pastu Ben
pon mula debat perdana beliau..

Pastu Eddah mula bersuara..lembutnya suare..
so gua kena dengr betol2 untk bidas dia..
so masa Eddah abis debat..ada dalam 1min nak
bincang dengan Ben..Ben tolong gua Ben,..apa gua
nak cakap..so pelahan2 Ben tolong gua buat
ayat..yang ringkas..nervous takleh
nak superb sangat grammar..

so gua pon debat..
sebenarnya gua tau, yang apa
yang gua debatkan ni, tak masuk
akal..tapi gua buat masukkan fakta..
ok gua kasi contoh camni..

Adakah makan taugeh bersama meggi
boleh menyebabkan terkena penyakit
Gila babi seperti Albert Einstain?
-walaupon gua tau statement ni salah,
gua kena pertahankan gak..btl tak?

so bebalik debate gua, masa gua research aritu,
memang semua cendikiawan(ewah) tak setuju
dengan teori gua bawak ni..so gua amik
quote dan research utk back up gua punya debate..

dan gua gunakan pekataan psikologi Israel dalam
debate gua..

gua gunakan
"the opposition team who is good at economy
might say...." - ni gua target kat Ed the star

"may I present evidence that can create chaos
for third negative(opposition) speaker to rebut"
gua asyik tengok muka Ed je..

"I hope that the negative team have relevant
economic theories to challenge this evidence"

so bila gua habis debate kan..gua nampak Evan
senyum..aik..opposition senyum buat apa..

then lebih mengkejutkan ialah bila ex-debate
team gua cakap..'it's good.sambil angguk kepala

Ben pon kata gitu..tapi gua menten la..takkan nak
jerit.."yeah..take that you Ed!!.."

then giliran Edie anak pak mail debate..
dia kata point gua
"Affirmative team was referring to U.S research paper
but I don't know that it has to do with Australia.. but
I forgive them"..erkkkkkkk..gua kena pawned!!lol..
tapi gua gelak je..enjoy je..

sampai giliran Ed.. Ben sebelah gua cam bengang...
terus terang gua katakan Ed ni merupakan
star kelas gua..bila memula tau dia opposition team,
gua rasa team gua sucks..tapi bila tengok dia
debate, gua rasa dia tak gunakan facts cam
team gua..

-dia just gunakan funny quotes..yes..political quotes..
-idea nak buat t-shirt yang bertulis "labour market reform...blabla"
-pastu dia bidas la kitaorang..

tapi last skali Ben kata kat tutor..mana leh diorang
guna funny quotes tanpa fakta..basically Ben the man!!
Ed, lu bukan star lagi..lu pembuat baju!

last skali masa gua nak cau..gua tersempak Evan..
lu tau dia kata apa..dia kata debate
ada fight..
then dia sambung
"Actually I support your team"kata beliau
"Well, I have to say that my
points regarding minimum wages is just
not true"gitu lebih kurang gua cakap..
sembang punya sembang..

so tu je la cerita hari ni..first experience to
debate ..in Australia..pengalaman yang best..

p.s :kalau Ed jual baju, gua tak beli..

Apa kabar semua..ada sihat ka.. Gua x berapa sihat la macha... Esok gua debate..x prepare lg..!!!tp x pe..kita santai..lol..apa2 pon..chill the bill beb.. ;

p.s. Ari hujan x best sbb rambut aku lambat kering..sigh..bye

Paracetamol menyantaikan minda?

Helo..
apa kabar arini..sabtu kan..
seronok tak cuti minggu???

skang ni kat bandaraya penuh
pancaroba ni suhu 11 derjah selsius..
tak sejuk mana pon kalau compare
dengan negara lahirnya Hitler, Tony
Blair dan Albert Enstain..

hujan tak henti, gua semalam
tido awal sebab bila telan je
paracetamol rasa
ngantok bagai dipercik kelopak
mata dengan cili boh..gua amik sebijik jer..
takut demam..symptom dah ada
dah, sakit tekak, selsema..

tapi hari ni sakit badan..sah2 nak kena
demam ni..aduii..tapi takpe..kita santai..
hari ni sabtu kan..kita santai..perghh..
best gila..pastu makan cekedis..perghh
nikmat ONE MALAYSIA..nice

ok la korang pegi la santai..
gua nak bantai buat kerja..

p.s never r.i.p in students
life..when you work-never
r.i.p from boss..masa korang tua
never r.i.p with your children..
bila korang r.i.p.. baru santai..nicekan..

When a father says something

Hai..awak semua..
gua disini tak senang duduk..

it all started when my father asked
me, what's the estimated budget for
this year..for you it seems to be normal
question from a father to his son..

but in my family's culture, when my
father start to ask this kind of questions,
i get nervous and sad..

because usually my father just keep quiet
and seldom ask about budget..because he knows
that i might get affected badly with his budget..
so dia diam..

gua harap bebenar dapat grad secepat mungkin,
sebelum bapak gua pencen..kalau dia pencen,
ya Allah tak tau gua nak buat apa..

facts that you must know about my dad
*takde gelaran datuk bagai...normal dude
with strict attitude..
*ex policeman
*do not trust credit card regime
*love to bash(hentak) people who
enjoy corruption..he's good at it..
*never show emotion..sedih ke
apa..slalu muka rilek je..kalau
ada masalah besar ke, dia just
tengok pemandangan..

ok tu je gua kasitau..nnt banyak2
lu orang tak caya..

ok la..gua nak buat keja..
man,,,i am so sad now..
duit oh duit ko takde kuasa langsung,
yang ada kuasa Allah..keep faith ye semua..
ok..bye

Rambut

Gua tau..korang tunggu post gua..
gua tau..lu orang miss gua..

skang ni musim hujan di pulau ini..
berdasarkan pecaturan gua, rambut
gua yang ikal mayang ni tolong panaskan
badan gua..logik tak??alasan gua
kukuh untuk berambut panjang
dan menidakkan perintah semi-paksaan
setiausaha rumahku iaitu IBUku..

tapi since mak tgk gua smart berambut
panjang dan ada gaya pilem star,
dia butakan mata melihat rambut ku yang
ikal mayang..dulu bukan main pantang..

"pegi potong"arah ibuku
gua pon pegi la kedai tamil..
pegi je kedai tamil..gua pon pot pet pot
pet describe gaya yang gua nak..

last skali
"hello, depan lu mau simpan?"
barber dari naraka tanya..
"simpan..simpan"kata gua
kompiden...

rupanya dia dah potong rambut gua tepi
belakang cam budak sekolah cina,
then belah depan je biar panjang..
pendek kata korang cakap la
apa benda pon, mesti dia buat standard..

aku ibarat kan diorang ni macam cannibal..why??
camni

orang yang makan orang (cannibal),
bila nampak orang dia tak kisah rupa ke apa,
yang dia tau daging manusia ni sedap je..
nampak tak pemikiran diorang,,yang penting
daging!!

skang ni si barber naraka ni..
bila nampak rambut customer,
kat kepala dia dah terpancar 3D system
depan mata dia cara potong rambut
standard!!

kalau korang cakap kat dia..
"tambi kasi gua punya rambut
sama macam itu pilem star"

dia mesti potong standard..

kalau cakap
"tambi lu potong la suka mana..
saya sudah tamau hidup!"
dia mesti potong standard sebab
nak kasi orang tu cam mr nice-guy..

since gua dah tampan,
keluhan tu masih ada dari ibu gua
tapi family gua yang lain
bangga ada pilem star iaitu gua..
pergh rasa hensem hari ni bebeh..

ok la sampai situ..kepada barber diluar sana
think outside your standard 3D imagination yeh!

health pandemic

helo...salam
Penghantaran buat yg nak nikah..

Gua ari nak buat post ttg
Kesihatan..yup..
Dalam english..

Once a upon a time, human
Thought germs and bacteria as
Normal...so they puke, cough in front of others
Without knowing it is
Damn dangerous to our system especially immune system..

So today as your pandemic illustrator i
Would like to address some don'ts in
Cough and flu..

Yesterday as i was doing my typing assignment...
Suddenly i heard
'hak tuih'..of course it is euwwwwww thing..
And the the pendemic holder cough again and again..
the problem was, the pandemic holder is in a room..
Obviously it is not a toilet..

So where the hell the pandemic holder 'hak tuih'
its kahak or known as flem..i believe it is
In a plastic or ....

But still it is very unhealthy environment..
common sense, if u sick,why do you
Possibly want other people to get
The bloody pandemic...

i know if u sick, u will not bother
Other people..
But still it is pandemic..oiiii..
Gila ke..aku ngamuk ni...oiiii
Ludah dalam sinki leh tak?

Gitulah pengakhiran ceramah..
Bermula tenang..akhirnya kencang...

Hari kabur..lawak dan lawak

WARNING!!
VERY EXCITING THREAD..
NO PICTURE NEEDED..
18 YEARS OLD &ABOVE ALLOWED,...
15 YEARS OLD ALLOWED
WITH GUARDIAN SIT BESIDE
THEM..
13 YEARS OLD ALLOWED
AS LONG AS THEY PROMISE
TO CALL WHOLE FAMILY TO
READ THIS THREAD...
12 YEARS AND BELOW
DON'T BELAGAK PANDAI,
GO TO BED EARLY, DON'T
WATCH PORN..

*******

SCANNED COMPLETE...
BEGIN....




helo guys..sorry sebab
kawalan gua ketat utk thread ni...
malam ni ntah ngape mata
gua cam kabur..power gua
naik lagi ker...sigh..

kalau korang tak pakai spek
lu orang memang betuah.
gua pakai start form 1 with
massive freaking awesome of
100 both sight..

skang ni dekat 700..arghh..
*gua igt lagi gua suka
tengok tv secara dekat
iaitu melihat kaca-kaca..
gua letak mata dekat
kaca tv dan melihat pixel
tv tu pecah seperti kaca-kaca..
KLASIK!!

then masa gua kecik suka main
torch light..pastu letak depan
mata gua..nice!!

more gua suka pakai
spek tok gua..pastu
jalan nampak cam gaung je..
NICEY BITESY!!

masa gua darjah lime..
gua baca dalam gelap..
AWESOMIC!!

form 5 gua pakai contact
lens after makan kari..
mata panas dan gua sejukkan
dengan letak mata
depan aircond kereta...
NOT-SO-BAD-IDEA!!

-------------------------------------

dah2..hari ni gua nak cite benda lain
sebenarnya..hari ni gua lol kuat gila
di dapur lepas sembang dengan
Tommy and JK my Vietnamese
housemate...tapi knape best
sangat lepak dengan diorang?!

ish..gua nak blaja culture orang lain la..
contoh dia camni..

Tommy: you know that when my auntie
have a baby..she asked me, do you think
I should get a dog?
Gua: pelik...????
Tommy: because the baby poop
can feed dog
Gua: What the health!
JK: yes, they let their children
poop in the basket and the dog will
circle the basket because the dog
want to eat that poop
Gua:LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Tommy: LOLLLLLLLL..yes it
is true
JK: anyway, I am confused
is it just Vietnam dog or
not, because what if the Japan
dog brought to vietnam..will they
eat poop..
Gua: do the dog eat adult poop
Tommy: well no..because adult poop
in the toilet bowl..
Gua: ok(betol gak tu..takkan nak
berak kat dalam basket)...

dialog funny ni datang bila dia
tanya gua,.makanan binatang apa
yang famous kat Malaysia..gua kata
la kat kg kasi makan tulang je..kat
bandor kasi la makanan friskes ke apa..

poop= najis
then start la rahsia terbongkar..

then si JK bukak lagi cerita

JK: we also eat dog
Tommy: well not me
JK: my friend said it is delicious..
my family do not eat dog because
we have pet...
------------------------------------

then Tommy tanya gua..

Tommy: do you know why BIRD is
hot?-MAKSUD DIA SUHU BIRD
PANAS

melihat kepada peribadi Tommy gua
suspecious apa itu BIRD..

a)burung
b)burung manusia
c)burung vietnam..

then gua cakap camni

Gua: bird??
Tommy: yes bird..b.i.r.d
Gua: do you mean our bird?
because it located outside the body..
Tommy: LOLLLLLLLLLL..NOT THAT BIRD

pastu panggil JK..JK pon cakap tak tau..then
dia cakap..
JK: because they run fly..that is why
their body is always hot even in winter..

JK menang.,,,,

-----------------------------------------
Tommy: let say a girl who is non
muslim want to marry you..they
need to convert is it?
Gua: I dont want to comment on that..
because it will make u confuse if
somebody else answer it..let other
people with more knowledge to answer
that question..
JK: what about condom,,,(merepek
sial beliau) i heard catholic
prohibited it..
Gua: i have no idea..sambil geleng kepala..

*tak tau cakap tak tau..kalau gua jawab
lain, orang ada ilmu kata lain..make me
total loser..so baik diam..

mak cik handal nak!

Hi..

gua skang letih..ohh..
gua lupa nak cite
untuk kelas mandarin
minggu ke-2..

gua minggu ni terpaksa jalan
kaki 30 min ke kelas tu..
memang jauh kelas tu..
so gua pon jalan la
kaki lengkap dengan glove
jaket kulit bapak gua punya..

sampai je kelas dah start..
tapi minggu ni tak seramai
minggu lepas..minggu ni
betol2 berminat jer belajar..

so gua pon duduk..pastu yang kacaunya
mak cik ni..perghh..bising bai..
sifu kat depan tengah ajar, dia
leh buat ajaran sendiri..ajar
kawan dia..pastu argue dengan
sifu..gua memang tanak
duduk sebelah dia ar..
bising gila..sembang2..

pastu masa gua bersama
4 orang kena buat group
pastu tanya nama ayah/family name..
then apa jadi? yes, mak cik
tadi buat ajaran sendiri..
dia cakap pekataan tu
inappropriate..bila
sifu datang..dia cakap ok..

ada skali tu kan..mak cik tua tu
buat salah tau..gua gelak kuat2..
gua gila kuang hajar kan..tapi tu la..
ada ke dia mengajar orang lain,
ni kan kelas beginner..means
semua takde ilmu ar kan..

minggu depan yang
pasti gua tanak duduk
sebelah mak cik tu..
nanti gua gelak kuat-kuat..
dia marah plak..

balik gua tanak amik bas..
gua jalan kaki..udah la gelap..
sejuk..perghh..nasibla sudah
basikal ku tayar pancit lagi..
macam makan tayar je gua ni..

p.s bersangka baik itu baik,
bersangka diri sendiri hensem
itu pon baik..baik kita tido..bye

gua dan mamat dah ok

Berikutan post gua yang lalu,
pertengkaran dengan so called
MAMAT..so skang ni pertengkaran
ini hanya salah faham..beliau ingin
mempsiko gua..ikuti apa
ditulis beliau

"intention aku hanyalah untuk mejadi
se'annoying' yg mungkin mcm yg ko
slalu jadik..F word tu serious takde intention
sebenar perkataan tuh.."

gua pon pohon maaf sebab gua
memang dilahirkan annoying
namun kacak dan charming..

jadi gua nobatkan dia 'the man'
sebab bukan senang orang
nak admit salah dia..

gua pon takleh admit masalah gua
iaitu suka kata gua hensem..

post ni nampak cam tak best
tapi best sebab gua yang taip..
kalau Ah Goon atau Si polan
bin Si polan..maka tak best la
gamaknya..

Blah bla day

hello..
gua nak kasitau..

debate team gua macam hampeh..
camni, ada sorang minah ni,
dia la kasitau gua camne nak debate
kena research tajuk apa semua..
hari gua datang kelas
dia tukar debate team lain plak..

gua dah down to earth gila..
pastu lu orang nak tau
apa yang tinggal dalam group gua..
sorang budak dari china, sebijik
perangai cam gua..nak kerja senang
and tak paham tajuk..

lagi sorang cakap hanya
dua hari je datang uni..
ni gua panas ni..pastu cakap
nanti kita email..budak uni
especially unsw, bila gua email
haram nak balas..

ada skali dulu, boleh pulak budak
vietnam ni kata dia tak dapat
email gua..panas tu kira cam
nak tampar gaya pondan la katakan..

tak tau la gua..gua rasa cheated
rasa di perkosa oleh awek cun
plak rasa bila dapat tau debate
team aku cam kumpulan
cheer leader ..

cerita pagi pagi

salam berjabat tangan
dan Assalamualaikum..
gua sopan hari ni..

Dua benda alkisah hari ini..

Today masa dinner, four of us
2 Vietnamese and gua dan sorang
lagi housemate..kitaorang
makan la sembang-sembang..

yang paling pelik ialah bila tommy
kata

"hey its like a family sitting together"

uiks biar benar mamat ni..udah la
tak gemar institusi perkahwinan..

pulak tu empat orang ni tengok
cerita
Fantastic Four..apa punya coincidence..

pastu jenuh jugak la nak explain
ngape tak leh adakan SEX sebelum
kawin..then dia cakap..

"what if have sex with your girlfriend?"
kata beliau..

"but girlfriend can break up right?"tanya
gua

"yep..but its like..."kata dia lagi..

gua paham apa maksud dia..bagi dia
girlfriend merupakan seorang teman yang
tetap..maksud gua girlfriend dia
merupakan destinasi dia yang pertama..
walaupon dia 'makan' awek mana pon..
still awek dia jadi pilihan untuk kawin..

but anything can happen rite?kejap putus
semua..hmm..susah sebenarnya nak explain..
ilmu kat dada gua pon tak banyak..just
gua kasi commonsense je la..

Kedua.. perkara tak gua tak sangka..
gua sebenarnya suka mengutuk orang
tapi gua tak berapa sangka orang
mula guna perkataan mencarut kat gua..
gua kira bukan mencarut la..tapi
buat lawak..joke kan..but..
baca la benda stupid terjadi kat gua..

mulanya begini

Mamat tersebut : Adamaya eeeuuuuw yuckkkss yucckkssssss yuuccckkkkkss Tata

Mr Freak Life :pulak bye (gua terkejut di tak usha adamaya..so gua type la
respons ni)

Mamat tersebut:*uwek uwek* bunyi muntah

Mr Freak Life :wey..ko kenapa tak suka adamaya..aku memang tak suka cite tu tapi ko tak suke?cam wad da helbye (ni la gua cakap..expressi gua..bukan gua mencarut pon...)

Mamat tersebut:Wat the fuck (Bermula aggressive)

Mr Freak Life :nice MAMAT berubah dengan drastik i loike (gua tease
dia balik)

Mamat tersebut:Fuck! (sangat aggressive kan)

Mr Freak Life :wey kuar biar betol fuck gua ni gua tanya elok2 jangan fuck plak
(gua plak aggressive)

Mamat tersebut :Ada Gua kesah? (back psikology yang gua rasa tak menjadi)

Mr Freak Life:indeed you r fuck calo bete (sesungguhnya gua memang begini)

ada lagi sambungan..gua malas nak update..

gua rasa..tak perlu gua censored
pekataan carutan itu because kita dah dewasa..
masing-masing tau salah guna pekataan tu..dosa..
tapi ntah la..gua tak rasa nak alter perkataan tu..
hmm..akhir kata..

A friend can be a shit and sometime can
be a pile of shit..

tapi kan..search for quality friend
not dipshit friend..aku memang takde
mood bai..

*ps gua tetap kacak walau dicaci dan
ditatang kehinaan gua

I felt lucky today because...

Salam sejahtera dan
salam tangan kanan buat
kekanda, dinda, bonda dan
ayahanda sekalian..

hari ni semasa gua sibuk mencari
artikel untuk kelas history of
medicine.. so gua pon cari la kat
pc UNSW..then, ada sorang approach
gua..

dia kata nak buat servey..gua pon
cakap ok..so ni brief purpose of
study dia..

"to investigate the effect heart rate has
on the subjective enjoyment and
experience of gambling"

yup judi..so kalau korang buat
research on on physiology,
this is research conducted by
UNSW students..

1) suruh gua isi consent form

2) amik pulse rate- pakai alat
ukur beat rate..bentuk dia cam jam

3)suruh gua jog satu tempat but
slow..10 steps jer..perghh tak mencabar..

4) amik pulse rate lagi skali..

5) kasi gua main game..tekan
spin then tengok berapa
kali aku dapat 3 benda yang
sama..so gua dapat dua kali..

6)gua kena buat questionnaire..

7)dia kasi gua debrief paper..

8)turnout gua adalah
last person to participate
and gua feel very kacak and
lucky..

so dalam menjalankan
survey tu kitaorg sembang la..
dia Chinese girl..
so dia tanya gua course apa
semua..then dia tanya gua
belajar bahasa baru tak?

gua pon cakap ye..then
gua cakap la ni hao,
then gua cakap lagi chin wen..
dia rupanya tak berapa tahu..
then gua explain kat dia
chin wen tu kira cam
excuse me..

so kesimpulan nya, gua telah
ajar seorang Cina untuk mengenali
bahasanya sendiri..walaupon
sebutan gua tak betol lagi..

p.s: cuti sekola mesti ada
kenduri kawin, mesti ada air sirap,
mesti ada pembagi telor rebus,
mesti ada awek bagi telor rebus,
mesti ada ayam masak merah,
mesti ada orang pakai cantik2,
mesti ada gelak ketawa,
tapi kenapa takde orang
kasi peringatan kat kita
"makan berpada-pada la yeop,
orang ramai lagi nak datang ni"..
mesti la takde..orang Malaysia
memang baik..peace..aku rindu
kenduri kawin, kenduri sunat..
ayam masak merah..ohh..sedapnya..

hari pertama belajar benda baru

hari ni
hidup gua seperti graf harga pasaran
minyak dunia..
hidup gua dari down ke
yippie(sambil naik batmobile uncle
bangkai)...

ok camni..pagi gua bangun
ke kelas bermodalkan
meggi..gua dah lambat sangat
pastu gua bedal meggi..
"bedal je la..janji isi skit.."kata
gua seperti pensyarah yang hensem..

pastu petang gua dah frust..lapar
kemain gila gua..hari sejok..
hingga gua punya perut sangat
ketat..lu tau ketat ke tak ni..
perut senak la sebab lapar..

pastu gua kayoh beskal ke
kelas yang sangat special..
my first day..
lu orang ingat tak gua
ada cite gua nak amik
satu course ni..tapi gua
tak dapat amik..

yes u sick fan of me..
(ni expressi je..lu orang jangan
melenting)..
gua amik bahasa mandarin...

masa cikgu masuk jer..dia tanya
ar..ni hao ma..pastu sornag makcik ni
jawab penuh bai..orang semua pandang dia..
lu dah tau ngape masuk klas ni..gua pelik..
pastu dia cakap dia blajar masa tengok tv..
gua paham..gua pon suka ajuk bahase
mandarin..

so here we go..


1-30 min pertama...
cikgu mandarin tu banyak
buat lawak..tak ramai gelak..
ramai buat muka fedap
sebab tak rasa cikgu ni
berkebolehan..jiwa gua
kacau melihat ramai berpakaian
kerja serba lengkap cuba
memahami rentak cikgu ni..
masing-masing memaparkan
muka "i want my money back"
& "i will sue you"

31min-2jam
kita orang mula belajar new words..
gelak ketawa..gua rasa ni la masa
gua leh ajar orang lain..sebab semua
adalah complete dummy..macam
bayi baru lahir..so gua rasa
best..alhamdulillah..

gua bercakap dengan andrew,kamal
dan banyak lagi..gua rasa hensem..
yang ada dalam kelas semua cam dah kerja
serta banyak duit..

anyway..gua telah lari dari
comfort zone gua iaitu,
pegi kelas, masak ikan sadin &ayam,
duduk rumah tengok utube, tension
dgn roomate, rakan masak..

akhir kata..bye

Batmobile and the psycho men

gua mula menulis dlm blog dengan
type secara pelahan2...
kerana gua telah hilang 9
dari 10 keupayaan ketika
keadaan tidak cukup tido..

cam biasa la tu..tido 3 jam jer..
skang tak tido lagi.. korang
mesti tertanya apa ability gua yang
telah hilang nih..
ok camni..gua gunakan teknik
penceritaan menarik..

hari ni gua tidor kejap je..then siap2
mandi pastu terus belari anak2 ke
sekolah gua iaitu
sekolah kebangsaan new south wales..
so gua jalan2..tak cukup tido ni..tetiba
ada bangkai jerit2..

hey ...hey...hey...

banyak kali jugak la..
gua tak perasan la mamat bangkai
ni panggil gua..
pastu panggil gua macam takde adab..
memang CACA* punya orang..


lu tengok dulu bangkai ni sapa..sat..scroll skit


gua memang panas dengan dia..





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ni bukan
mamat tadi..
tapi dia:

memang tua,
kurus kering,
kurang hajar,
naik batmobile
mcm gambar sebelah.
kalau gua
jentik dia pastu
lari mungkin
dia
boleh kejar gua pakai batmobile dia..tapi kalau gua tolak dia
ke jalan raya..gua rasa dia memang takleh pulas trottle dah..

gua bukan hina golongan ni ha..lu orang jangan salah paham...
gua cuma bengang dengan cara kurang hajar dia..

dia rupanya nak lalu..gua rasa priority
diberikan kepada orang OKU..tp
bagi aku dia bukan OKU..
OKU ada adab..

memang kurang ajar sebab dia panggil
hey jer..hish..gua memang
biar je tadi..sebab gua punya level of anger masa tu kurang..

gitu la peristiwa dihina oleh batmen veteran tu..
kalau korang nak tau, gua masih dendam
dengan mamat tu..kalau gua jumpa lagi,
aku mungkin paut belakang batmobile dia
pastu gelak2..mesti dia bengang pastu
sakit jantung..

bye

*gua memang kurang asam skang..
sebab gua belum tido lagi....
ability gua yang belom hilang ialah
kekacakkan rupa..bye

Sekuence to beras cap nasik

"Hello freak.lu kat mana?...beras ni
ngape ada dua peket ni.."kata
beliau..~suara curious yang tinggi~
"gua beli sebab murah...gua
tengah tengok movie ni"kata gua
bebisik,,,

tu la perbualan gua dengan rakan
kongsi makan..nampaknya betoi
tekaan aku ...dia tekejut ada
beras lebey..

-------------------------------------------

selase lepas si tommy house mate ajak gua
tengok wayang gambar avatar...SINCE gua
tak tengok lagi movie ni..gua pon stuju..
gua tunggu la pukol 5.30 still takde pon
mamat ni call gua..kuang asam punya
tommy..tetiba dia call gua 5.45..

"hey freak, where r u? come now because
the movie haven't started yet"kata dia..
"ok2 i will come now"gua balas..

gua pon pg bangunan goodsell building tempat
tayangan avatar tu..tengok2 pintu tutup..gua pon
sms kat tommy..dia pon kuar dari bilik tayangan
dan cakap

"hey u r late..where have u been"kata
beliau agak panas..
"i know.."gua balas pendek namun santai..

setelah hampir 2 jam tengok movie..gua
terima panggilan dari rakan kongsi makan..
perbualan sama cam kat atas skali tu..
dia call nak tanya beras sapa banyak bebenor ni...

agak2 korang kalau gua cakap camni
"lu punya beras la mat..gua hadiahkan
untuk lu sorang je beras 10 kilo tu"
lu orang rasa, apa perasaan dia..???

balik jer dari movie..si tommy ni
mula la walk and talk dengan sorang
awek ni..tak habis2 mengayat..
gua pon blah tanak ganggu privasi
si romeo jalanan ni..gua hanya
tersenyum sambil berjalan
macam hero drama korea jer
gua rasa..gua feel hot la..

balik jer dia cakap tengkiu sebab
tak spoilt perbualan separa privasi
diorang..


---------------------------------------------------

lu orang mesti kata
"Lu outdated la mat..filem avatar tu
tahun lepas gua dah tengok"

member gua kata(gua terasa pedih ulu hati dengar ni)
"lu duduk mana bai..ulu yam ke..movie
ni dah berzaman keluar"

gua hanya tergelak manja sebb
cliche sungguh member gua nih...
gua sebenarnya salah seorang
anti cliche..so gua tak suka
ikut apa orang suka wat..

p.s -apa2 pon..sila jangan skimming
kerna gua dan cikgu2 di Malaysia
tak suka..bye